And the cops told us we were all naked.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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