I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
someone owes me an orgasm
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
