watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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