I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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