I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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