i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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