this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
