Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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