oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
