It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
