So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
