i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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