Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
