I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
