weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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