don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
