I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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