I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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