Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
