Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
