I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
