What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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