i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
