just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
