so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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