haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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