garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
