People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
