We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
