we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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