david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
