literally had 100 drinks last night.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
