Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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