mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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