i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
