So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
