so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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