She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
