I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
