im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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