considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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