Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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