I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
