O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
as a side note pls kill me
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
