So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
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I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
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P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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