Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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