I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
