it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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