Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
