I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
