i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
