I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
