i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
