When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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