She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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