i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
