its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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