I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
