We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
