Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
