My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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