O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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