last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the day after is always just damage control
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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