I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
well you can't waste a boner
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
