Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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