I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
