just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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