all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
