No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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