i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
